It’s Monday morning. There’s a half-eaten pizza in my fridge. Two breadsticks. A few slices of grocery store cheese, a dollar worth of grapes. I’m out of paper towels. The trash smells like the remains of Halloween weekend. My head hurts, I’m dehydrated, and the Dallas Cowboys stink.
Almost all the remedies under my control. The trash chute is down the hall. I have a pharmacy in my bathroom and a $30 water filter that assures me I’m only getting the good stuff. It all can change for the better, and soon it will. But not that last part.
Jerry Jones’s empty house is full of 52,000 half-eaten pizza boxes and 1,000 trash cans that smell even worse than mine. There’s not a water in sight, but you can find plenty of $20 beers, if you pay to park first. Spooky season didn’t end on Oct. 31 for the Cowboys, who were humiliated at home once again by another backup quarterback, only this time he was flanked by a backup running back, too. Gardner Minshew and Tyler Allgeier will haunt Cowboys fans like Kevin Gray Jr. and Ron Harrod Jr. for months. Years, even.
They might bother Jerry Jones enough to do some soul-searching, but I doubt it. He pays people very modest amounts of money to clean up the stadium and to take out the trash. He even pays some people to make his football ideas become reality. Brian Schottenheimer is the lucky one this time. Today you’ll hear all about why Schotty isn’t the guy for the job, why Mike Tomlin or Brian Flores or some other exciting candidate Jerry will never speak to could get them over the hump next time, y’all.
The problem isn’t with Schotty, or DaRon Bland or Rashan Gary or George Pickens or Javonte Williams or any of the 100,000 Cowboys fans who gave the Jones family plenty of paper in exchange for some pizza, a Cowboyrita, and a front-row ticket to watch a horror show play out on the world’s largest jumbotron. We all know what the problem is, and we all know it’s not going to change.
It would be scary if it weren’t tragic. This happens almost 10 times a year.
In a couple weeks more fans will flood in to AT&T Stadium. Maybe the Cowboys will win. Maybe they won’t. But it simply doesn’t matter. If embarrassing losses to Tampa and Arizona don’t inspire Jones to take a step back and let people who know what they’re doing come in to build something that matters in any way at all, I’m not sure what will.
The real nightmare isn’t that the Cowboys lost to the Cardinals. It’s that there will always be a Cardinals. There will always be more greasy cardboard to clean up. You’ll never finish that pizza and you’ll never shake that hangover. We’ve seen this before. We’ve lived this for 30 years. We’re stuck, with no way out. I need some Tylenol.
Bobby Karalla
JERRY JONES CALLS COWBOYS COLLAPSE AN INDICTMENT
Things are bad, Jerry said. That went so bad, he added. But we won’t do anything about it, Jones declared. Clarence Hill has more.
THIS IS WHAT JERRY JONES SAID
Jerry Jones talked to reporters before any people who are on the football team or who coach said football team to provide the organization’s first and freshest thoughts after being humiliated by Gardner Minshew.
OUR POSTGAME SHOW WAS STILL VERY GOOD THOUGH
Jeff, Jesse, and Voch are always excellent. Check out our postgame show if you missed it. In good times or bad, community matters more than anything!
KYRIE, COOP, AND THE MAVS ARE LEGIT
Cooper Flagg got the Mavs started and Kyrie Irving came alive in the second half to lead Dallas to a win against the Rockets. The vibes are back, folks!
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Some things never change. Including our show schedule. See you this week!
— DLLS Sports
